Every member now has their own personalized bag badge featuring their name, team and tier on the front — and something a little more dangerous on the back.

A personalized QR code.

Scan it and you're taken directly to that player's official Tees Nuts profile: career stats, match record, team history and whatever other evidence they've accumulated against themselves over the years.

The badges were designed to live on members' golf bags, turning every Tees Nuts bag into a walking player card. No searching the site. No asking who somebody plays for. Scan the bag. Pull the file.

40 players. 40 badges. 40 permanent links to the record.

They've been printed.

And they're ready to hit the bags.

Your golf bag now comes with receipts.

Despite possessing mortgages, careers, children, and in some cases supervisory responsibilities, several league members continue to demonstrate an inability to answer one of life's more difficult questions:

“Are you playing?”

Officials initially believed the issue was scheduling.

That theory was abandoned after affected members were observed successfully using their phones for fantasy sports, group chats, and sending videos nobody asked for.

League leadership is now considering several solutions, including assigned chaperones, a buddy system, and simply asking everyone's wives directly.

No timetable has been provided for accountability.

Following enough disappearances to qualify as a missing persons case, one league member permanently tethered his vape pen to a lanyard.

Early testing indicates the prototype performed flawlessly.

League officials are optimistic the device will significantly reduce future donations to Rhode Island golf courses.

Witnesses reported an unusually high concentration of birdies, confident iron shots, and unsolicited swing advice.

The match was completed without incident, though several members questioned whether either player should be allowed to park that close to the first tee.

The match has since been referred to internally as The Battle of the Disabilities.

Following the last event, the Commissioner reportedly received:

• "Lose my number."

• "I'm buying you a Farmer's Almanac next year."

• "If it rains again, I'm kicking you in the dick."

League officials continue to insist that weather cannot be scheduled.

Several members remain unconvinced.

The Commissioner's future remains uncertain.

Official Rain Golf Rules

As conditions deteriorate, members are reminded to follow the league's established Rain Golf Rules:

• If one guy says "it's only a passing shower," he is now responsible for all weather forecasting for the remainder of the round.

• "We're already wet" becomes the official answer to every weather-related question.

• Richmond Monson remains the league's official benchmark for terrible golfing conditions. Few events have come close.

• At least one player must announce he owns rain gear and then proceed not to bring it.

• The Commissioner is personally responsible for all rain, wind, mud, cart path puddles, and lost golf balls.